She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I am in a vortex of obligation.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
