Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
