Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
bring money and cleavage
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
