Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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