Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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