The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
