Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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