I cockslap morals
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
