Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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