fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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