I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
