i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
