I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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