ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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