areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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