so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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