I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
