At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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