haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
