I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
