just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
