just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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