the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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