I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
