took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
