I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
