he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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