ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
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You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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