Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
