My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she smelled like a LAN party
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
