He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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