I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
