you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
