They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
