He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
