The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
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I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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