so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
