i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
