Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless