I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
