Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.