I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....