Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.