I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive