Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.

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  (407): Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night. http://tfl.nu/8tsr
  Replies (25) Good night (974) Bad night (3542)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.

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  (727): he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper. http://tfl.nu/jd33
  Replies (39) Good night (5636) Bad night (1069)
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  (707): View more from California

  Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.

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  (707): Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage. http://tfl.nu/1an1
  Replies (3) Good night (2400) Bad night (1295)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend

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  (608): Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend http://tfl.nu/d6xp
  Replies (5) Good night (4521) Bad night (1189)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.

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  (304): I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable. http://tfl.nu/ox4w
  Replies (3) Good night (2429) Bad night (687)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair

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  (262): I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair http://tfl.nu/3k67
  Replies (3) Good night (1078) Bad night (769)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.

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  (904): My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy. http://tfl.nu/l9z4
  Replies (19) Good night (3467) Bad night (811)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running

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  (931): Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running http://tfl.nu/vdeh
  Replies (6) Good night (763) Bad night (691)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?

  (1-928): View more from Arizona

  ...and?

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I hate when you're right.

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  (928): YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!? (1-928): ...and? (928): I hate when you're right. http://tfl.nu/4pb8
  Replies (10) Good night (1078) Bad night (541)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"

  (1-618): View more from Illinois

  As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!

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  (618): When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK" (1-618): As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever! http://tfl.nu/gtn1
  Replies (4) Good night (1290) Bad night (358)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So how did it go?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.

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  (617): So how did it go? (508): I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake. http://tfl.nu/kgbf
  Replies (2) Good night (492) Bad night (564)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was

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  (630): He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was http://tfl.nu/qjtz
  Replies (4) Good night (313) Bad night (794)
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  (315): View more from New York

  we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury

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  (315): we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury http://tfl.nu/pw29
  Replies (3) Good night (1308) Bad night (336)
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  (949): View more from California

  "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.

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  (949): "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment. http://tfl.nu/f4dn
  Replies (0) Good night (710) Bad night (340)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.

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  (703): Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill. http://tfl.nu/t0sc
  Replies (2) Good night (1054) Bad night (306)

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