Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
