you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
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The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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