He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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