I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
