All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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