Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
