Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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