I am puke
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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