Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
