He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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