I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
