I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
