I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
