he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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