is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
