but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
