ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
