she was so not down for the gang bang
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
