): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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