I never want to see another naked old woman again.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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