she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
