I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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