Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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