I feel like I'm in dance class right now
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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