Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
