Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
