I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
