quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
