You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
