he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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