Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize