i permit you to call me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
