yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
