just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
