craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
