Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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