It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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