I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
