He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
