I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
