The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
