Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
