You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
