i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
