Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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