wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
