I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
