Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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