everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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